Early Tuesday afternoon scientists at the local library started to hand out miniature body cameras that can be attached to homeless people to learn what they do on a daily basis.
“The live stream project was originally set up to collect data on the homeless so that we could learn about there daily habits”, one scientist says, “we did not anticipate what would follow”.
The lead scientist of the “Hobo-Go-Pro” project has sat down with us for an interview. He asked to remain anonymous due to the nature of his studies. We can not reveal his identity but you can trust us when we say he is a legitimate source.
“They just started to jack off every where, the alley way, the bus stop, the out door furniture at Starbucks. It was mayhem!” He explained to us. “I couldn’t believe the amount of semen our test subjects were generating, it was unheard of. The amount of semen being generated is on a level no one has ever seen before. It is a full on epidemic!”. The lead Scientist seems shocked and appalled at his findings.
A different Scientist from the Clean Energy Department reached out to us on the matter. He had some radical ideas that you may not agree with.
“As the level of homeless people rise, so does the level of public masturbation. Right now we have hundreds of people just rubbing one out in the streets, but if we could some how harness all that friction, it would revolutionize the way we collect clean energy.” He went on to say. “ We can set up stations that can simultaneously collect semen and harness the friction and use it to generate free energy”
The Clean Energy Department Specialist went on to explain how the “Pump-and-Dump” stations will clean up the city and create new jobs.He claims that the semen can be recycled to feed livestock and can reduce some of the stress on farmers who can’t keep up with the high demand for corn.
However, not everyone agrees that the theoretical High Fructose Corn Semen is a good idea. Animal Rights Activists claim that it is unethical and down right disturbing.
Every year homeless people flock to homeless shelters for the things they need the most. You may not realize it today but your donations will make a big difference. You can check your local shelters for the items they need but I can tell you right now some items that have the highest demand. We reached out to our local homeless shelter to see what they needed the most.
“Socks, Tissues, Paper Towels, Wash Cloths, Lotion, Water Bottles, An Insulated Thermos, Coconut Oil, and most Water Based Lubricants are always in high demand.”says a local homeless expert “Basically any container that can hold a thick liquid.”
At this point you may be asking yourself what can be done to help the homeless. They mostly need some change in there life. Can you spare some?
Until next time, I’m Jack Daily.